:: r a i n ::

I love the rain when it really rains.

I don't use an umbrella. (Umbrellas have always annoyed me.)
I stay away from people with umbrellas. (I like my eyes and having some space on the sidewalk too much.)

When I stand in the rain; I can't help but grin.




Other than the rain, today started kinda shitty. I had to go to an all-day Students of Color conference as a chaperone. I wasn't really in the mood to be in workshops and listen to speakers all day. But I went. Eventually. First, I had to take the train in the opposite direction out of habit because I was spacing out and moving on autopilot—this, of course, meant that I got to the conference way later than I should have been there. It was OK.

I didn't feel very present. I left early.



Waiting for the J train in the rain, I once again found myself spacing out, thinking about the rest of my hectic day, wondering when I would have the time to grade this weekend.

A car stopped in front of me. I couldn't really see inside, nor was I trying to. At a quick glance, it just looked like the driver was wiping the windshield from the inside. Glass fogging up, I guess. I heard a honk, which made me shift my gaze, and I began looking not at the car but in the car. And it was then that I realized the older guy in the car was not holding a cloth but an umbrella. He hadn't been wiping the windshield but waving the umbrella to get my attention. When I looked at him directly, he pointed to the umbrella, then at me.

I snapped out of my daze and smiled. I mouthed, No, thank you, still smiling. He smiled back and drove off.

A part of me wanted to rewind the scene and go up to him, not take the umbrella but give him a hug, or at least shake his hand, or at the very least exchange spoken words.

Not really.

I enjoyed the experience the way it was—so ephemeral in its beauty, not unlike the raindrops.

I've been so blue recently, and this little moment in the rain reminded me to focus on the everyday beauties to keep going. I am hoping the collective sigh of November 5th (for which I am so fucking ready) will bring some levity into my life. In the meantime, and always, there are these beautiful moments around me waiting for me to shift my gaze and notice them.