Wish list:
• Sleep, as soon as I am done with this list.
• Focus and stamina—I want to relish the finish; I want to enjoy cleaning my desk at work.
• An appreciation of the process, the getting there.
• Making time to do/pick up laundry.
• Good food. Not just eat, but eat well.
• Reconnect with someone I have not seen for (as far as I'm concerned) too long. • Phone conversation with someone who makes me feel loved.
• A moment that makes me love this city all over again.
• Real mail—a postcard, sent to me or received by me today.
• Sevgilim, kollarimda.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
:: Tuesday ::
Here's what I want from today:
• Sleep...as soon as I am done with this list.
• To get up and get out of the house at a reasonable time.
• A good decision about where to grade/write reports so I can focus and be productive.
• Be done with B period reports, so that all I can have left to do are sophomore advisee letters.
• Time to do (or drop off and pick up) laundry.
• An email from Lucci, accepting the sublet for at least $500.
• A phone call from a friend that energizes and refocuses.
• Patience with other people's process and time lines, but with the acknowledgment that too much patience is not a virtue—that's just being a pushover.
• A random, beautiful encounter.
• To notice something beautiful, especially if it is mundanely so.
• And, as always: the courage of James Baldwin.
• Sleep...as soon as I am done with this list.
• To get up and get out of the house at a reasonable time.
• A good decision about where to grade/write reports so I can focus and be productive.
• Be done with B period reports, so that all I can have left to do are sophomore advisee letters.
• Time to do (or drop off and pick up) laundry.
• An email from Lucci, accepting the sublet for at least $500.
• A phone call from a friend that energizes and refocuses.
• Patience with other people's process and time lines, but with the acknowledgment that too much patience is not a virtue—that's just being a pushover.
• A random, beautiful encounter.
• To notice something beautiful, especially if it is mundanely so.
• And, as always: the courage of James Baldwin.
Monday, June 15, 2009
:: Monday ::
Today I wish for myself:
• this time that I have right now to make a wish list without any interruptions
• ability to concentrate on grading & writing reports, not obsessing about every word that I write—moving quickly, efficiently
• not obsessing about the unknowns—patience and compassion in a time of standstill
• strength, courage, and wisdom to "set my house in order"—and then just be, knowing I did my part
• ability to follow the voice I heard at Moshe's grave: So live.
• dinner—I need to remember to eat!
• connection with friends who make me feel loved
• openness
• ...at the same time, resistance to hyper-empathy
• once again, be able to follow in Baldwin's footsteps and find in myself today (and everyday this week—small steps!), the courage necessary for love—boundless, uninhibited, guilt-free, doubt-free love, both as a giver and a receiver. Yesyes.
• this time that I have right now to make a wish list without any interruptions
• ability to concentrate on grading & writing reports, not obsessing about every word that I write—moving quickly, efficiently
• not obsessing about the unknowns—patience and compassion in a time of standstill
• strength, courage, and wisdom to "set my house in order"—and then just be, knowing I did my part
• ability to follow the voice I heard at Moshe's grave: So live.
• dinner—I need to remember to eat!
• connection with friends who make me feel loved
• openness
• ...at the same time, resistance to hyper-empathy
• once again, be able to follow in Baldwin's footsteps and find in myself today (and everyday this week—small steps!), the courage necessary for love—boundless, uninhibited, guilt-free, doubt-free love, both as a giver and a receiver. Yesyes.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
:: wish list ::
The more I take photographs, the more my eye notices the photo-worthy details.
The more I write down haiku moments in a notebook, the more my attention becomes trained to recognize haiku moments in my daily life.
A couple of weeks ago, I changed my Facebook status to declare I was going to let love rule. And indeed, on the days that I updated my status to that declaration, so much love flowed into my life and into me.
Also on FB that same week, I began keeping a "superstars/gratitude" list everyday. Acknowledging people and encounters that made me feel grateful helped me focus on the awesomeness of everyday.
It's all the same story: perspective. Change your perspective, and you begin noticing what was there all along.
So...
This week, I am going to track what I wish for my day, no matter how trivial, or how unwieldy and vague.
Today I wish for myself:
• a peace of mind
• the ability to focus so I can get a good chunk of work done today
• whatever form of connection with friends who make me feel loved
• openness to receive love
• resistance to judging myself too critically
• resistance to over-empathy
• the courage of James Baldwin to love and be loved—more more more love: boundless, uninhibited, guilt-free, doubt-free, both as a giver and a receiver.
The more I write down haiku moments in a notebook, the more my attention becomes trained to recognize haiku moments in my daily life.
A couple of weeks ago, I changed my Facebook status to declare I was going to let love rule. And indeed, on the days that I updated my status to that declaration, so much love flowed into my life and into me.
Also on FB that same week, I began keeping a "superstars/gratitude" list everyday. Acknowledging people and encounters that made me feel grateful helped me focus on the awesomeness of everyday.
It's all the same story: perspective. Change your perspective, and you begin noticing what was there all along.
So...
This week, I am going to track what I wish for my day, no matter how trivial, or how unwieldy and vague.
Today I wish for myself:
• a peace of mind
• the ability to focus so I can get a good chunk of work done today
• whatever form of connection with friends who make me feel loved
• openness to receive love
• resistance to judging myself too critically
• resistance to over-empathy
• the courage of James Baldwin to love and be loved—more more more love: boundless, uninhibited, guilt-free, doubt-free, both as a giver and a receiver.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Can this just be over already. Please???
Instead of good news, I received this from my lawyer today.
FUCK.
Hi [Pelagic],
Your medical exam was returned to me because apparently pages 3 and 4 were not submitted in the sealed envelope (pages related to your immunization history). They want your doctor to fill out a complete I-693 that properly documents your vaccination history. They have returned the original medical examination, you need to take it back to your doctor and have him prepare a new I-693 in a sealed envelope.
I am sending you the medical by overnight mail. We have until February 8, 2009 to submit the completed exam.
The Lawyer Lady
FUCK.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
update on "stalkees"
Yesterday, I heard back from the writer; she wrote a sweeeeet message back. It's so awesome! I have been too in awe to write back. I'll do so today, I think.
This morning, I heard back from Berk of öykü & Berk. This, I wasn't sure was going to come.
Now, if I can just figure out why we're supposed to meet...
He seems less willing to roll with the ambiguity. Can't blame him—I know he must be getting women writing to him all the time. And I'm sure others also think "but I'm different!"
But I'm different. (!)
I don't want an autographed copy of anything. I don't want keys to his house or to his heart. I don't even know the man. But it's one of those times when I think I'm supposed to get to know him.
Well.
We shall see. Maybe when I return to TR, I'll try him again sometime. And maybe I'm supposed to give him some info. The Alchemist style... I think he thinks I need something from him. I don't. At least not that I know of.
???
Anyway, 2009 has proven to be awesome already: you put an intention out there and make a genuine effort to connect, the effort will return to you.
This morning, I heard back from Berk of öykü & Berk. This, I wasn't sure was going to come.
Now, if I can just figure out why we're supposed to meet...
He seems less willing to roll with the ambiguity. Can't blame him—I know he must be getting women writing to him all the time. And I'm sure others also think "but I'm different!"
But I'm different. (!)
I don't want an autographed copy of anything. I don't want keys to his house or to his heart. I don't even know the man. But it's one of those times when I think I'm supposed to get to know him.
Well.
We shall see. Maybe when I return to TR, I'll try him again sometime. And maybe I'm supposed to give him some info. The Alchemist style... I think he thinks I need something from him. I don't. At least not that I know of.
???
Anyway, 2009 has proven to be awesome already: you put an intention out there and make a genuine effort to connect, the effort will return to you.
(not exactly) fan letters
I wrote two fan letters of sorts today.
In both cases, I had to email someone else and hope the message gets to the actual recipient.
The first one is a message to a writer whose book is out of print. I want to get in touch with the writer and bring the book back to life, and even teach it. It's a book I am emotionally attached to, so writing the letter was kind of an intense experience. It made me think of my 17-year-old self, the person I was when I first read this book.
The second message was to a musician who lived in Spain and returned to Turkey. It's not a celebrity crush I have on him; it's just that something tells me I'm supposed to get in touch with him...like we'd actually be good friends if we could ever get in touch. Or something. Imagine getting an email that says something vague like this, and you're famous. Would YOU write back?
I don't care as much about the results. I tried to make contact, and that's all I really needed to do. Any response will be amazing, but I already feel good.
In both cases, I had to email someone else and hope the message gets to the actual recipient.
The first one is a message to a writer whose book is out of print. I want to get in touch with the writer and bring the book back to life, and even teach it. It's a book I am emotionally attached to, so writing the letter was kind of an intense experience. It made me think of my 17-year-old self, the person I was when I first read this book.
The second message was to a musician who lived in Spain and returned to Turkey. It's not a celebrity crush I have on him; it's just that something tells me I'm supposed to get in touch with him...like we'd actually be good friends if we could ever get in touch. Or something. Imagine getting an email that says something vague like this, and you're famous. Would YOU write back?
I don't care as much about the results. I tried to make contact, and that's all I really needed to do. Any response will be amazing, but I already feel good.
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